The Autism Bully

There is a bully in our house.  It's called Autism.  I have been saying this for years, and it's even more true in the teenage years.  Autism causes rigid schedules, and strict guidelines (at least in her mind).  Our autism has a complete set of rules and regulations that everyone in our house must follow, or we get the wrath of a meltdown.   We have adjusted our way of life completely since this autism bully showed up at around 9 years old.  As if life were not hard enough on this child, she also was blessed with "womanhood" at 9 years old.  So, hormones and autism collided and what we had was a huge problem.

First and foremost, this autism bully wants food.  CONSTANTLY.  I am not sure if it's anxiety based, or hormone based or "rule" based, but it's a constant every day.  She will do anything to get what she wants.  Throw things, hit things, and yell constantly until every nerve in my body is worn down.  I have a set eating and snack schedule for her, but some days it's literally every 10 minutes that I am asked for food.  A person can lose their mind when a bully is constantly in your ear begging, yelling and fighting for food.

Second, this autism bully has a schedule.  It's not our schedule, it's not a realistic schedule...it's her schedule.  She has decided when we need to get up in the morning (have not used an alarm clock in 10 years), when we should eat breakfast, and what time we ABSOLUTELY need to be out the door.  If you think I'm exaggerating...you need to stop over.  If we are more than a few minutes off schedule...this bully freaks.  She will yell, and get agitated for a while.  It takes a long time for anxiety settle down.  If Phoebe has a 1/2 day of school, and it starts at 11:00...she gets up at the usual time and frets over what time the bus will come.  Her coat is on at 8, and sometimes she even sits in the driveway waiting.  How dare the school screw with the schedule?  Whoever is here sitting with her...gets the wrath of 100 questions of "When do you think the bus will come", "Who will be here later?” and "When I have a snack?"  This may not sound like bullying, but when the questions come every 3 seconds for 3 hours...you'd understand what I am talking about.

Lastly, the autism bully seeks attention.  Again, this happens at a constant rate.  For someone who does not distinguish very well between positive attention and negative attention, this is exhausting on her family.  About once every 3 days, this child with autism will go in her room and be alone for about 10-15 minutes.  That's it.  Otherwise, she is by me asking questions about schedule, eating, and anything else her mind is mulling over.   I can tell when she is going to seek attention to a disturbing level, and I can tell when she genuinely needs me to sit by her and calm her nerves.

You'd think at some point I'd get used to this bully.  I have been living with her for 13 years, 10 months now, however it never gets any easier.  In fact, it's slightly scary what the future may hold for this bully.  I'm hoping that someday she will have the will to fight it internally.  For now, we will fight it externally, and live with it.