Summer

I have to have the summer off. Not for selfish reasons, or for the fact that it's so nice out- and I want to be at the beach. It's much deeper than that. My daughter is autistic. Pure and simple (which makes me laugh out loud- because nothing could be more complex.)....she needs me. Is it good for her to be with a sitter? Yes. It is good for me to be out of the house? Yes. The problem is... I can barely make enough money to cover her care- and the care for my son during the summer. And, she needs me. No one understands the complexities of her- except for me. I want to be there, to help her through the most difficult times (sometimes it's the passing of a thunderstorm in her world). I give her confidence that life will be ok.

My decision...is to quit my job, and get a teaching certificate. Laugh if you want...because now is not the greatest time to become a teacher. But, I need to have summer off...and I need to be able to be with my family. I will find a job working with children- and I know I will be a damn good teacher.

My daughter is autistic. Nothing more needs to be said.

In our "autism" world- I still have to watch Phoebe while she takes a bath. I can pretend she is independent, and will wash the soap out...however, it NEVER happens. I finally gave up. She can go to the tub for a relaxing bath- but to get clean I have to supervise. She says the same exact things she said when she was 4...."can I open my eyes with this shampoo mom?", and "I have to wash my butt." All very matter of fact questions- that she has learn to ask through her scripted life. Just like the same questions she asks when I get home (and has since she could talk)..."what are we doing tonight, and I don't like _____(fill in the blank) for dinner, I just want a sandwich." I have learned to ignore most of it- and I can't say I even hear it anymore.

One of my favorite stories about Phoebe is when we were on a plane to Yale University's Autism Clinic 2 summers ago. I let the airline know that there was a special needs child aboard, and that she could get very upset. When they announced it...it went something like this..."good afternoon, passengers...we'd like to inform you that there is a child with special needs aboard, and please be sensitive to her and her needs." Phoebe looked at me, and around her and said..."WHERE?" I laughed out loud and said..."I have no idea."

I guess it's only her mom that really knows she has special needs- to her, she's just Phoebe.