Ideas- some good, some not-so-good

Turns out having presents out for the kids from mom wasn't the greatest idea after all. I thought maybe this year it wouldn't be a source of "obsession". I haven't done this in the past- and thought it should go well. Who am I kidding? I think that I have heard..."Can I open a present?" at least 500 times in the last 5 days. I just keep reiterating that on Christmas they can open their presents. If you give them the tools- they'll know what to do right? HA! Doesn't matter how many times I have answered this question- I still get it at least every hour- if not more. I even get the stare down- as if she is trying to figure out a better way to ask. Brendan has only asked 100 times- and he finally stopped asking. When I told him about the man at the Soup Kitchen who was more than excited, and grateful to get a "goody bag" filled with an orange, some snacks and a card, Brendan stopped asking. (Hence, he gets the idea) Phoebe seemed less than impressed with the story- ending with..."so does Santa come both Christmas eve and Christmas day?"

I love the holidays and I refuse to think that I am "missing out" because of the limits of autism. This would just lead to me being sad about the "what could be's". So, for now (and I'm thinking for a looooong time) I will be excited to drive her and her brother around every night after Thanksgiving looking at Christmas lights, making cookies that look like someone has mysteriously licked the frosting off everyone one of them, missing many Christmas parties, endure the long nights of getting up every hour, early rising at 4 am...and the general excitement of Santa and what he will bring. This I do for my family...autism and all.

I attempt to do these things with the best of intentions. However, I think I might be causing more anxiety than necessary. (But, who better to push autism to the limits than the mother of a child with the disorder?) If I never tried- how will I know if she can accept it? Or at least tolerate it- at best? My routine girl has a brand new teacher this month, and this has been quite the transition for her. She is giving this teacher a run for her money. Behaviors are at their worst, and the change has caused lots of uncertainly in Mrs. Routines life. In an nice attempt to give us options for holiday break, she sent home some fun activities that Phoebe can do on a wipe board, and a few social stories that can help with the long time off. These have been useful, and we keep reading them over and over. The other idea her teacher sent home was that in order to keep Phoebe busy..."have her read 30 minutes each day." God love this teacher for trying, but I laughed out loud. How about 1/2 a minute?? She doesn't do ANYTHING for a 1/2 hour. Ever. Good ideas...bad ideas. She'll get to know Phoebe over time and see the attention span...but I truly thank her for trying. (It does show she cares)

Well- I am off to sit for a while in anticipation of being up all night on Santa/Phoebe watch. Have a great holiday!!

Christmas and Doctors reports

I must first start off writing that recently my ex took Phoebe to see a "Behavioral Psychologist" that we both agreed might be a good idea. For once, I did not attend the meeting- and let him take her. We were looking for help on medications and how to treat behaviors and deal with them on a daily basis. Maybe, just maybe, this doctor would have something profound to say. The visit was in October, and I received the report on Friday. It was one page, and then attached to this one page were copied documents on how to give Time-Outs, use 1-2-3 Magic, and another common method for behaviors. Not to sound condescending, but REALLY??? The report was on how we need to implement these strategies. I'm not a genius, but I do have a degree, and have been dealing with THIS child for 12 years now. You don't think I've tried this? Time-outs have never worked with her, as she has the attention span of a flea, and 1-2-3 Magic was comical as she would consistently wait until I got to 3 to even attempt to do what I was asking- making me look ridiculous. I am not sure what I expected, but I guess I wanted this doctor to look at OUR daughter and her case, and then come up with a few ideas. If he couldn't, I would have been more impressed with a suggestion of.."take her here", or "we don't really know." As a parent of an autistic child who has been to Yale Autism Clinic, Central Michigan Behavioral Clinic, 2 Psychologists, 2 Psychiatrists, a Neurologist, and Endocrinologist, a Pediatric Gynecologist, and an ABA Therapist - to name a few...I think that I must have the answers, and it's time that I figure out what works best for her on my own. There is no exact answer when the spectrum is as large as it is.

HOLIDAYS:)

Most of us love the holiday season. I am one of those people. I love cookies (who doesn't), and parties (who are we kidding...I don't go to parties), and getting together with family. Our routine has been pretty consistent the last few years, and you'd think that would make it easier on our Phoebe. Then again this is Autism, and you thought wrong. Christmas Eve is a challenge, and that's all I need to say. It's like having a newborn baby all over again. Last year, I can remember her getting up every 1/2 hour looking for Santa. (Because my daughter can read fluently - I'll just say that getting up every half hour starting at 9...makes the whole evening quite a comedy) This year, I may sleep on the couch, so that at least I can just yell from there and she'll go back in her room instead of LEAPING up out of my bed, and running to the living room.

Christmas morning is like most of yours- it only lasts a few minutes. Even with the ages of my children, we still get done with presents in about 20 minutes. There is no "making it last", or "slowing it down." This is pretty common in American families. However, when you are doing this at 5:30 am...it can make for a very long day. As much as we want to make Christmas day a very special one, this house tries to keep the routine as normal as possible. We are at 6 days out, and I have started to prepare her for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day activities. Thankfully, we have a fairly low key day hanging out at Nana and Papa's with our family.

The other wrench is having no school. This always causes a challenge with our Autism...but we have a plan, and hopefully that will help. (One can hope) Also, a nice long visit to her dads help me relax and prepare for another semester, and take some time for me. I will take this time to try and enjoy myself and re-fuel for the next 6 months. Happy Holidays. :)