Holiday Fun?

The Holidays are a wonderful time. I have always loved being around family, laughing and having fun during the Holidays. While I grow more patient at Holiday time...Phoebe grows much less patient, and much more anxious.

Last year, on New Years I nearly had a nervous breakdown...in fact, you might say I did. The whole family made a trip to Traverse City. It sounded like so much fun! I hyped it up, I planned for a sitter...I did everything I was supposed to do. Yep.. I did everything I was supposed to, and I was thinking everything would go smoothly. However, Phoebe did not do everything I thought she should do, and it did not go smoothly for her. We stayed in a condo unit, next to my parents and down from my brother and his family. This alone caused Phoebe enough anxiety for a year. She wasn't sure which place to go to next. She was literally turning in circles, or sound asleep on the couch as a way of coping. We took the kids swimming, had a party, and all the kids had a good time...except Phoebe. She was stressed out, tired, anxious, and just a mess. My "vision" of a great New Years really had nothing to do with her "vision". I was really only thinking of my own fun, and my own selfish wants. (yes this does happen) Phoebe had quite a few meltdowns on this weekend- and so did I.

Needless to say, after many weeks of thinking and wondering what was wrong with her meds...it became clear. She's autistic. You can call it what you want, but she is on the spectrum. She can't handle unstructured events with many variables, and behaviors come out in full force when this happens. No school, snowy weather, possible fireworks, and schedule changes cause these unpredictable behaviors. Whether I want it or not, I have to structure my life better to make her life better. If any of you know me...this isn't easy. I am a "go with the flow" kind of girl. Well, at least I used to be.

This Holiday season I plan to do what we always do and get together with family. Phoebe is used to this, and finds comfort in all our families houses. Will I attempt to take her back up north? Not likely. Will I find something that she likes to do, at home, and within her comfort range? More Likely. Will she get up every hour on Christmas Eve? Yes. Will I be more tired than Santa on Christmas? It's possible. Will my life be more peaceful, if she is comfortable? YES. So, for this holiday season I will keep autism in mind (as if I would forget), and try to keep the structure for this child, because her happiness is my happiness.

TIRED and the Holidays

I get this question a lot..."Is your daughter higher functioning?" How do you answer that. Today, she was higher functioning because she only asked me for pretzels 60 times rather than 50. However, yesterday she had a meltdown at 3 a.m. when I refused to give her salami. So, I guess that would be a lower functioning day. To this autism mom, she is what she is. She is verbal to a fault, and can use words correctly in most situations. Does she always know what she is saying...I don't think so. Then other times- oh yes she does.

A few years ago, I took her to a clinic at Yale University. What the Social Worker said to me has stuck with me. He said..."this child looks to you for all the information in her world. Including how she should react to situations, what is wrong and what is right, and what her answers should be." To put it lightly, all I could think was...OH MY GOD. Really? I guess I knew that, but that's a lot of pressure. With "average" kids they look to you, but find their way for some things. This child would probably never do that. So, in our autism world let's break this down. When I'm mad- she's mad. When I'm sad- she cries real tears. If I'm hurt- she is quiet and afraid. She gets all her cues from me.

Yesterday, I had a 3 hour art class, and I painted and got the house ready for Halloween. I put together treat bags for school, and got everyone up and out to school. After class at 3, I raced home got everyone to help get the pumpkins carved and got everyone ready for trick or treating. Phoebe was a little undone. Then I got mad at her. She was so uptight, and unsure - and our routine was not the same. She was so anxious about the trick or treating. She made it to about 15 houses, and then wanted to go home. When I dropped her off with her Nana..all I could think was how much I'd like to be home. I wonder how much of my tiredness was wearing off on her? Halloween was exhausting, and fun...all at the same time. Look out Christmas...here we come. I'm going to need some 5 hour energy.