Band of Mothers

This Sunday I will meet with 8 of my favorite ladies in the world. Each year, for the last 6 years out of 12 - we have been getting together for dinner or lunch to reminisce, get the updates about kids, etc. How do I know these women? When each of us had our first babies in 1999, we were grouped together by Beaumont Hospital in the suburbs of Detroit. It was called a "playgroup", and our first meeting was in July of 1999. (Each of our babies were from 3-5 months old.) We started meeting every other week at each of our houses, sharing milestones, stories and just generally enjoying each others company. We were all first time moms, and things were so new...it was nice to share in those experiences with such a great group.

It is with this group, that I noticed so many differences in my baby, as compared to the other babies. One of our girls brought her baby to group around the 6 month old age, and sat him in the middle of the room. He was up on his knees and just about crawling. At this age, Phoebe wasn't even sitting up yet, or had yet to roll over. She was "large, and big babies don't do things early" (Doctors words). I learned to live with these differences. She was chubby, cute, and entertaining. This went on for a few years...and I learned to add a year on to Phoebe's development time as compared to our playgroup friends. Phoebe was always sick, and had pretty bad asthma as a toddler. She was in and out of the hospital a few times, and had about 30 ear infections. These playgroup moms became my support, my laughter, my fun, and a great social outing for Phoebe. We had Halloween parties, Christmas Parties, Birthday parties, "mom's weekend away" (for headbands, drinks, laughter, shopping and bars) etc. It was such a fabulous time.

Most of us had 2nd, and 3rd children- and we had all been there for the ups and downs of pregnancy, showers, and miscarriages. This group was the FIRST group to hear of my divorce, and I could not have lived through it without them. They helped me pack, and move home. They kept my spirits up, and kept me laughing. The day I had playgroup and made the announcement that my husband and I were divorcing- I can remember on of my playgroup friends saying..."I NEED SOME CARBS...give me a bagel." (My atkins friend) I laughed at that, and still think of it. As years went by...the kids all started school, and we got together less, and less. This is just the nature of friendship, and the nature of having children, and having families. We kept up with the statistics...having some of us divorce, some of us move, lose jobs, get jobs, and hopefully someday re-marry? (that's a joke:)

As our children get older I hope that visits and outings will become more frequent. Facebook has helped us keep in touch, and see what these beautiful children have grown in to. It's still hard to believe that we have 12 year old children - that are close to being teenagers! I would not be who I am today without these ladies.

This Sunday we will get together and a few short hours will go by so fast, just like the last 12 years.

Love you ladies. :)

I've heard this before...

Sometimes I joke about living with Phoebe, and her autism. Sometimes you just have to laugh, because there really is no other way to cope. There are days I feel as though I am living in the movie "GroundHog Day." Autism is very routine, and very structured (so they say).

Each evening at 11:00 pm, Phoebe surfaces from her room looking very sullen and tired. Usually it's just to get a drink or stand and stare...but nonetheless it's EVERY night. I can count on that. In the morning, I am awakened to the sound of Phoebe knocking on my wall at 6:00 am. Sometimes, this time can vary, (5:30 am) but not by much. This is accompanied by the light in the hallway turned on. She asks..."can I have my apple now?" I get up and get her the apple and then she says..."it's too early to take a bath..right?", and I reply "no, go ahead." I lay back down for a few minutes until she comes out and says..."am I going to have to get Brendan up?" That's my cue to get my butt out of bed and begin the morning. These things are said on a daily basis- so if I seemed confused later about what day it is...you know why.

Once she arrives home off the bus, she says the exact same thing she has said for the last few years..."what are we doing tonight, and what's for dinner?" Some days I answer a normal answer like..."we are hanging out at home, and having chicken." Or some days to spice it up I'll answer "we are running a marathon, and having rat for dinner." This usually gets a very blank stare, or a crooked smile that says..."SERIOUSLY?" I have to correct myself or this might throw her right over the edge. (not to mention me as well) Then she usually follows up a reply..."I was good today can we go see Riley (her cousin)." I get the question about Riley every day, multiple times a day. I have made the rule that we don't see her during the week because of school and homework. This seems to keep Phoebe happy until the next time she asks.

Evenings are no different, and sometimes I say to my kids..."LOOK KIDS...BIG BEN, PARLIAMENT." (reference to European Vacation with Chevy Chase) Phoebe always has a 1/2 sandwich after school with a few pretzels and then throws a fit when she can't have dinner with us. I have tried every technique known - and she still gets mad as heck when she can't have 2 dinners. (Ignoring seems to work best.) Then she will go to her room, watch sports, and at 7 pm ask for her medicine so she can go to bed. This part of the evening can change here and there, but the words are almost always the same every night.

There are so many more that I could write, but you get the idea. Life with autism is "GroundHogs Day" over and over again. This morning on her way to the bus Phoebe said.."Mom, if I'm good today can we go see Riley?" and I replied "you're always good Phoebe, and no we can't." She just smiled.