Cough Cough Cough

I have a new found respect for Phoebe after having a nagging, respiratory, bronchitis-like cough for the last 2 weeks. It's wearing on my nerves, and makes me tired and grumpy.  Phoebe spent the first 2 years of her young life on a nebulizer, oral steroids, decongestants, etc. etc.  She even had RSV at eleven months old and spent the night in the hospital. (With me right next to her bed)  This child never cried or got cranky...she was just Phoebe.  Happiest baby ever.  Of course, when she had a temp she was slightly more lethargic, but she always had a smile on her face.  Do I??  Um...let's just say that's a big NO.  I spent countless nights in her room, standing over her crib, counting the number of breaths she took.  Do I give a treatment or don't I?  She couldn't talk for herself.  She couldn't say..."Hey mom! I am having a hard time breathing..can you get me some meds?"   So, I was "ON GUARD" 24 hours a day,  7 days a week.   I am not exaggerating when I say when we would be with someone with a sniffle, Phoebe would have it within a week, and be on breathing treatments the next day.  She was a mess!  Ok, fine...I WAS A MESS.  She was just, Phoebe.  Happy, little Phoebe.

Finally, she saw an allergist and was put on a more daily med, and did eventually grow out of it.  She was around 3-years-old.  

At 3-years-old, we started to see more delays than ever.  This is when the autism/ADHD, whatever-you-call-it diagnosis started.  (And, I found out I was pregnant with Brendan)

Looking back, this hasn't been an easy ride for you Phoebe...and I give you a ton of credit for how far you have come.  Hopefully, you won't get this nasty cold mom has.

(So, stop drinking out of my glass of water would you!?)

How do you parent?

Here's the question...do you raise a child that's 14 years-old (with autism/PDD-NOS) like a "typical" 14-year-old, or do you raise her like the 6-year-old she's more mentally like?  This particular child can do some things that 14-year-olds can.  But, then again there are many things she can't.  I am finding as time goes on, that this seems to be getting harder and harder to decipher.  I continually expect certain things, and then become frustrated when they don't happen.  However, sometimes I become completely blown away by the things I didn't expect, and do happen.  Does that make sense??  I'm exhausted.  Did I mention that?  (Pretty sure most parents are)

I want independence for her, and am forcing myself to try and get her to do these independent type things.  It's not easy.  It's a messy messy situation in all aspects of our house.  She has ADHD, and impulse issues.  Her room is messy, her hair is messy, her body can be messy.  I'm beginning to let all this go.  I can't keep up, and does it really matter?  No.  It doesn't.  If I were a rich-girl, I would have a maid, a cook, and someone who could help me ALWAYS focus on the important stuff.  What's important in her life? She needs to socialize, always.  She needs to know how to socialize properly...mostly.  She has to be able to take care of herself...sometimes.  She needs...to be happy.  Ok,  I know...she's a teenager, and happiness isn't always on the menu.  How do I know what is autism, what is teenager annoying-ness, and what is general disability?  I don't...nor will I. (Amazing- reads text message in 10 seconds from across the table.  Annoying- finishes my sentences before I can get them out) I will try and focus on the important stuff.  Happiness, independence, and socialization.

So to answer my own question...I don't know, and I won't know.  I will fumble along the way I have been and expect the unexpected.  I'll be exhausted, and I'll have some totally frustrating days.  Then that one small step forward will give me uplifting, and hopeful days.

Thank you to all my friends and family who help me,  put up and stand by our "strange" family.